


Murderer

by thequadraticformula



Series: Murderer [1]
Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-11
Updated: 2019-10-11
Packaged: 2020-12-09 02:10:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20987090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thequadraticformula/pseuds/thequadraticformula
Summary: "What would you do if I disappeared?" She asked casually, her fingers playing with Dahyun's hand."I don't know what you mean.""If I committed suicide."WARNING: Mature content implied as well as mentions of self harm, depression and suicide. Please proceed with caution.





	Murderer

**Author's Note:**

> This work is crossposted on Wattpad and Asianfanfics under the user 'thequadraticformula'.  
DO NOT REPOST THIS WORK.

Dahyun didn’t feel a thing and she couldn’t figure out if that was good or bad just yet.

Looking down at the note again, she found it hard to believe that this could be in Momo’s words at all, but Dahyun could recognise her writing anywhere.

Hi guys,

This may be a shock to all of you, and I’m sorry. I’m truly sorry.  
<strike>I couldn’t think of</strike>  
<strike>I wish I could</strike>  
<strike>I didn’t</strike>  
<strike>Please don’t</strike>  
Don’t blame yourself, Dahyun.  
I’m so sorry.

Momo

It was so short. So simple. It was written on a piece of the pink tinged paper ripped from the diary Dahyun had given to her for her birthday last year. The page had been crudely ripped out as if she had been in a rush, but her handwriting was still in that perfect, neat style that Dahyun was so familiar with. The large amount of text that had been crossed or scribbled out made it seem like she didn’t know what to say. But she did say Dahyun’s name. Out of all the members, she had written her name.

‘Don’t blame yourself, Dahyun.’

Dahyun could hear a person beside her sniffling. They were probably devastated. She should be devastated, but she couldn’t feel a thing. Why couldn’t she feel anything?  
“It’s ok to cry, you know.” The person said through ragged breaths. It was Jihyo.

The investigators were searching through Jongyeon and Momo’s room. Flashes of cameras assaulted Dahyun’s eyes. There was the obnoxious sound of opening squeaky drawers and shifting through bed sheets. They looked everywhere it seems, even under the bed.

“What are they trying to find?” Dahyun asked Jihyo, her voice was monotoned. Jihyo sniffed and cleared her throat before replying. Her voice was shaky.  
“I g-guess they’re looking for clues.” That didn’t make any sense.  
“But this isn’t a murder.”  
“Well, they have to rule out any possibilities. Momo is… w-was a famous idol after all and –”  
“But isn’t it obvious that she’s killed herself.”

Jihyo grabbed Dahyun’s upper arm in an iron grip to turn her around to face her. Jihyo’s eyes were red, and her face was blotchy. Streams of tears could be seen glistening on her cheeks, but her expression was furious.  
“How insensitive can you get?” She must have been really angry at what Dahyun had said. Her fingernails were digging into Dahyun’s arm a little too hard. She knew that she’d probably been too straight forward with what she had said, but it was the truth, and right now, she didn’t feel that anything less was appropriate.

“She did though.” Dahyun raised the note up for Jihyo to see. “What’s the point of looking for murder weapons and what not when it’s obvious?”  
Jihyo huffed out a sob, a noise not usually associated with her bubbly personality.  
“Look, Dahyun,” She removed her hand from Dahyun’s arm to wipe her eyes. “I know y-you’re upset and your dealing with this d-differently to me but try to not be so b-blunt about things.” But that was what made Dahyun confused. She didn’t need to cope with anything. She didn’t feel anything. She wasn’t sad, certainly not happy and wasn’t even angry. She looked down at the note again.

She wanted to go into the room to check the body. Was she really dead? Maybe she was just unconscious. But the reasonable and sensible side of her rain told her to return the suicide note to the investigators and to make her way to the communal room of the house to check on the other members. Is she wasn’t feeling upset, maybe she could comfort the rest of them?

Unable to subdue her curiosity, Dahyun crept forward to peek around the door frame and saw it. The body was covered by a white sheet from head to toe, only the hand was visible from beneath. The fingers looked relaxed and soft, but Dahyun could see the aggressive marks across the wrist and the red liquid pooling across the floor. She was definitely dead.

Dahyun moved away from the door and turned to an investigator who was writing something on a clip board.  
“I’ll return this.” She said quietly, holding out Momo’s note for the woman to take. She noticed that her arm was shaking slightly as she did this. She wasn’t able to tell why. The investigator looked up from her work with a sympathetic expression.  
“You can keep it.” She said. “You’re Dahyun right? It says your name on it.”

Dahyun didn’t really want to keep it, but she put it into her pocket anyway.  
“Thank you.” Jihyo told the investigator before taking Dahyun’s hand to move her away from the scene. “Let’s go.”

When they reached the communal room, they were both met with silent tears, cold shock and disbelief. Tzuyu and Chaeyoung were both in tears sitting on the couch with Nayeon who spoke softly to them both, her own eyes dripping. Sana sat on the other side, her knees pulled to her chest and her head resting against the wall. She was shaking her head slowly in denial of what she had just seen. Mina was standing, her head against the wall, sporting a deep frown and tears also tracing her cheeks

Jeongyeon had gotten the worst shock of all. She had come home after the promotions that afternoon by herself. Momo had taken the day off, saying that she had felt sick.  
“I’ll check on her while you guys go eat.” She had said.

Before the rest of the members knew it, Jeongyeon had walked into their shared room only to find the lifeless form of Momo, lying on the floor in a pool of blood. She tried to revive her to no avail. She called an ambulance, she called the company managers, she called the members, but no one could help. She must have felt awful, sitting there alone with her roommate who was never to wake again. She must have felt helpless.

Dahyun saw her now sitting on the floor with her hands in her hair and her eyes clenched shut. She guessed it was to try to get rid of the horrific images of Momo’s body.

Jihyo immediately brushed past Dahyun to sit with Jeongyeon. She put her arms around the older girl and squeezed. A sense of admiration flowed through Dahyun and she guessed she should try to follow suit and try to help with Mina or Sana, but she didn’t know how to approach them. Anything she said might be seen as offensive, since she didn’t have any emotions in regard to the situation. She might accidentally say something strange that would make the girls even more upset, just as she had done to Jihyo earlier

She didn’t think for a second that she could even imagine what the two Japanese girls were feeling right then. They were both by far the closest to Momo of all the members.

Dahyun wished she could feel something.

She held a hand to her own heart just to make sure it was still beating. It was. Slow and calm. It felt nothing. Why didn’t she feel sad? Maybe I should ask Momo what I should do. She always thinks of something dumb to make everyone smile again.

But Momo was lying dead on the floor in her room.

Dahyun felt a dull ache at the base of her skull.  
This was a little strange for her. Usually in situations where she didn’t know what to do or how to approach them in the best way, she would go to Momo. She had the tendency to get stressed and upset when she didn’t know how to handle something, and Momo always knew how to calm her down and clear her mind. Even though her advice was often pointless and ridiculous and unhelpful, she would wrap her arms around Dahyun’s waist and stroke her chin and kiss her cheeks and whisper in her ears.

“It’s ok Dubu.” She would say.  
“Don’t worry about it.” She would say.  
“I love you.”

Dahyun’s knees felt weak. Her head really hurt. She slid to the floor with a grunt and brought her hands to her pounding temples.  
I’m useless. She thought. I can’t think of anything to do to help. She pulled out Momo’s note again.

‘Don’t blame yourself, Dahyun.’ It read. Her ears started to ring.  
‘Don’t blame yourself, Dahyun.’ She read again.

“But it’s my fault.” She whispered. The silence in the room meant she was heard by everyone.

“This isn’t about you.” Mina growled from across the room. “The note says, ‘don’t blame yourself’ so don’t.”  
Why was she being so rude?

Dahyun felt hot and sticky all of a sudden.

\--  
“Momo, I think I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” Momo’s eyes widened. Dahyun had never been so forward before. Usually it was Momo who made the bold move in their relationship while Dahyun resisted.  
“Hey now,” She laughed nervously, and her hands slipped from around Dahyun’s waist. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”  
“But I –”  
“Stop Dahyun.” Momo looked at the floor. Anywhere but at Dahyun. “I’m sorry for ruining the mood and all, but you know we can’t, right?” Dahyun remained silent, her mind slowly collapsing under the weight of what Momo was telling her. “This is impossible for people like us. We’re already touch and go. We’re hiding a huge secret from the members, fans and the company. I don’t think we can go any further.”

She sighed and moved back to take Dahyun’s hands. Dahyun was still in shock. Momo had never spoken so seriously to her since the day she had confessed her feelings.

“We’ll move on from each other, soon right? This is just a fling. This is just something we’re using to cope with the strict life of an idol. We’re just friends who get a little sexually frustrated from time to time. Right? There’s no future for us. You don’t want to get caught, do you?”

Dahyun was so angry. So angry at that moment, that she wanted to slap her girlfriend across the face. She looked into Momo’s eyes to search for any sign of remorse or regret for what she had just said but found none. This wasn’t what she wanted. Momo had just admitted to her that she was just using Dahyun for sex. It wasn’t fair. Dahyun had poured her heart out for Momo, she’d become so vulnerable, she’d let herself believe that they could really be something. But she guessed she was wrong.

So, she pulled her face into a bright smile and squeezed Momo’s hands. She tried to pour all her love for Momo into that small squeeze and her smile. It was impossible.  
“Yeah.” Dahyun bobbed her head as she spoke. “I get what you mean. I guess we should stop.”

Momo’s eyes seemed to shine with tears as she said this, but it must have been the sun reflecting in them, because she laughed lightly.  
“Still friends?”  
“Yeah.” Dahyun’s heart wasn’t broken clean but shattered into a million and one pieces as she responded.

She didn’t want to be Momo’s friend. She wanted to kiss her and love her and hold her tight and feel her skin against her own and hear the special way that she said her name and her small ‘I love you’ when she was holding her and her hands to hold and her eyes to get lost in and her hair to play with and her bed to share and… She was just her friend.  
\--

Dahyun could hear the voices of the other members faintly but couldn’t make out what they were saying. It was as if her head was stuffed with cotton wool. Why was she remembering that at a time like this? She had to comfort Mina and Sana. She had to stay strong for them all, since she was the only one who couldn’t get upset.

She tried to stand up but failed and Jihyo was at her side in an instant. Dahyun could barely feel Jihyo’s comforting embrace as her head throbbed and more memories came.

\--  
“Do you ever miss your family after such long and busy schedules?” The interviewer shuffled her papers into a folder and closed it on her lap. This must be one of the last questions of the day.  
The answers from most of the members was something along the lines of: “Of course, but we visit them often on our days off and they come to support us at every Korean show.”  
It was true. All the Korean member’s families were often showing up at concerts and fan signings to show their support, but it was a different story for the foreign members.

Tzuyu blinked back tears. Sana dabbed at her own eyes. Mina hid her face. Their familied weren’t as available and that meant that they had to live without them for many months at a time. They were all unable to answer. Except Momo.

She laughed.

Everyone stared at her confusedly. Mina even looked slightly hurt by her reaction. Momo looked away from her in guilt.

“Sorry.” She said, bowing her head in the direction of the other foreign members. “I didn’t mean for that to come off as rude.”  
\--

Dahyun breathed deeply. Why were all these memories flooding her mind? Where was Momo when you needed her? Dahyun craved the feel of her soft fingers under her chin but was instead met with Jihyo rubbing circles on her back.

“It’s going to be ok Dahyun-ah.” She heard Jihyo like she was at the other end of a long tunnel. Dahyun began to get frustrated. This wasn’t fair on Jihyo. She was hurting too, and here was Dahyun, lying about on the floor like a wimp, just because of some stupid headache. Momo had killed herself for God’s sake. A small headache was the least of her issues. She had to comfort the members. She should be letting those who had tears to cry to lean on her, who couldn’t.

“What are we gonna say to the public?” Tzuyu’s small voice came from the couch. This was the first thing she had said since the notice of Momo’s death. Dahyun wasn’t sure Chaeyoung or Sana had talked at all, but Mina was talking. A lot.  
“We sure as hell won’t get to say anything.” Mina’s tone was harsh and cold. “The company will put out as statement and make it all sentimental and fake and we’ll be sitting here waiting for them to decide a funeral date and the future of our careers.”

Dahyun glanced over at her. Mina was never usually this loud. She must be really upset. It was strange how a death could change a person.

There was another long silence, in which Dahyun picked herself up off the floor and bowed slightly to Jihyo. A silent thank you for her comforting gestures, even though she didn’t need them. What was going to happen to Twice?

“I just wish we had known something was going on.” Nayeon muttered. The other members murmured in agreement. “We could have gotten her some help. We could have taken a break… we… we could have done something…” Her voice shook and a sudden rush of hatred rushed through Dahyun.

Her head pounded again, and she leant against a nearby wall to stop her legs from collapsing beneath her again.

\--  
Momo was sitting alone in the communal room, which was uncharacteristic of her. Dahyun had always known her to be a person who was dependent on another’s company. If Momo found herself alone, she would always search through the girl’s rooms to find someone to hang out with. She struggled without the company of others.

Her body was relaxed and slouched as if she were watching a show on television, but the screen was black. She was simply staring blankly at the wall ahead of her, her eyes teary and wet.

“Momo-unnie?” Dahyun asked softly. They hadn’t really been on speaking terms after they ‘broke up’ a few weeks ago, only exchanging words when they absolutely had to. They had both been so awkward with each other, that Dahyun had gone back to using formal speech with her. This didn’t go unnoticed by the members, though nobody had confronted either girl about it.

Momo looked up slowly at the sound of Dahyun’s voice just as a tear traced down her cheek. She opened her arms, asking for a cuddle.  
“Come here Dahyunie.” She smiled. It looked strange on her face. It was one of the smiles that Dahyun had fallen for. Genuine and beautiful like they always were, but the tears in her eyes made it look slightly droopy.

Dahyun wandered over cautiously to curl in her embrace but didn’t know how to react. Momo’s arms were just as warm and soft as she remembered. It had been so long since she had held Dahyun like this. Momo whispered in her ear.

“I love you.” She said. Dahyun’s stomach tied into knots at the phrase. “I love you so, so much.” She said between sobs.  
\--

Dahyun’s headache subsided for the moment and her hate toward Nayeon faded. This wasn’t her fault. Dahyun thought to herself. This is my fault only.

“Also, why isn’t Dahyun crying?” Mina broke Dahyun’s thoughts with a sneer. She moved away from her position against the wall and strode purposefully over to Dahyun. Her face was red with anger and from the tears that were still forming fresh at the edges of her eyes. Mina had changed into a completely different person. She was no longer the quiet girl who listened, and it was all Dahyun’s fault.  
“Why aren’t you sad? Do you even care that Momo…” Her face crumpled mid-sentence, her fists clenched and unclenched.

“L-leave her alone.” Jihyo mumbled, defending Dahyun again. Anger was building up in the pit of Dahyun’s stomach again. In a way, this came as a comfort to her. At least she could still feel things. “Dahyun’s just dealing with this differently to us. Let her be.”

Dahyun winced and clutched her head as the anger turned into pain and more memories of Momo crowded her mind.

\--  
“I’m just really tired. Don’t worry about me, I’ll rest up. You guys go eat out.” Momo seemed out of it. She had her shoulders slumped. Her hair wasn’t brushed. She hadn’t changed out of yesterday’s clothes. Dahyun wasn’t even sure if she had been sleeping for the past two nights.

She was amazed when Jihyo simply smiled and agreed.

“Just call us if you’re not feeling well and we’ll come straight home.” She said. Dahyun wouldn’t stand for it.  
“I’m not feeling well either. I’m gonna stay home too.” The members glanced at them both suspiciously while Momo looked slightly annoyed at Dahyun’s attempt to keep her company.  
“Alright.” Jihyo waved as they all filed out of the house. “You two get some sleep.” She looked pointedly at Momo when she said this.

When the others left, Momo sighed. She glared at Dahyun, her eyes looking tired and sore from staying awake for too long.  
“Look Dahyun-ah, I appreciated your concern, but I’m fine. You didn’t have to do that.”  
“I care about you Momo-unnie.” Dahyun replied.

“I know.” Momo’s tears came again. It seemed she was always crying these days. “I know you do.”  
\--

Dahyun pulled out Momo’s note for the thousandth time that afternoon. She read it over and over again, trying to memorise the words. Trying to imagine her voice.

‘Don’t blame yourself, Dahyun.’  
‘Don’t blame yourself, Dahyun.’  
‘Don’t blame yourself, Dahyun.’  
‘Don’t blame yourself, Dahyun.’

“Why does Dahyun still have that?” Mina suddenly lunged at the note, snatching it carelessly from Dahyun’s fingers.  
“Hey!” She exclaimed. Anger welled up inside her once again.  
“What makes this yours? Huh? You should give it back to the investigators. You’ve read it already.” Mina looked distressed and angry as she let her fingers run over the last words Momo had ever written. Dahyun felt sorry for her. She must be jealous that Dahyun had the note.  
“They let me have it.” She explained calmly. “Since it has my name on it.”  
“That doesn’t make it yours.” Mina scoffed. She folded the paper carefully, possessively and glared at Dahyun. Jihyo wasn’t defending her anymore. She could see her next to Sana on the couch, exhausted with her arm around the older girl’s shoulder.

“It’s just a piece of paper, Mina-unnie.” Dahyun mumbled, even though, to her, it was so much more than that.

Why wasn’t Momo here? What Dahyun wouldn’t give to have Momo with her right now.

“Mina’s acting so strange Momo. She’s being really mean.”  
‘That may be a shock.’  
“She’s yelling.”  
‘Don’t blame yourself, Dahyun’  
“She’s taken your note away.”  
‘I’m sorry.’

She had to see Momo. She turned away from Mina and walked swiftly toward Momo and Jeongyeon’s room before anyone could stop her. The investigators tried to keep her at the door, but she pushed past and knelt beside the body covered by a sheet. Her pants were soaking up blood. She reached over to pull the sheet from her face.

Her mouth was slightly ajar, a silent cry of pain. Her hair was full of wet and dry blood. Her eyes were half open, lifeless in their sockets. Her skin was so pale.

Dahyun reached a hand to touch her cheek and she jerked back when she felt that she was cold. Her heart clenched as if it wanted to stop beating alongside Momo’s.

She had the overwhelming desire to kiss her but refrained as she knew it wouldn’t be right. Instead, she gently closed the girl’s eyes, so she looked like she was simply sleeping.

\--  
Dahyun was so sure that Momo wasn’t sleeping at night anymore. In the mornings she was irritable, always complaining about being tired. She had dark circles under her eyes, and she would fall asleep in the strangest places in the middle of the day.

“Unnie?” Dahyun called. She had needed to use the bathroom, only to realise that Momo must have fallen asleep while going herself. It was kind of funny when you thought about it. Falling asleep on the toilet was hilarious. Right? But Dahyun couldn’t laugh. She just felt worried.

She knocked on the door and heard a gasp from inside.  
“Shit.” The voice inside said, which shocked Dahyun since Momo rarely swore. “Sorry. I’ll be out in a second.”

When Momo finally opened the door, Dahyun was met with the older girl in tears. Momo was always crying.  
“Momoring…” Dahyun forgot about formalities and took her hand, but Momo shook her off. She frowned.  
“I’m fine Dahyun. Stop worrying about me and just leave me alone.” She brushed past.  
\--

Dahyun’s head throbbed. She replaced the sheet over the body just as Nayeon came in to get her from the room. She shrieked a little when she saw the blood and Momo’s body, but she braved through to reach Dahyun’s place on the floor.  
“Dahyun, we need to stay in the other room. The girls are worried about you.” She took one of Dahyun’s hands and began to usher her out of the room, which was beginning to smell.  
“Momo’s gone now. There’s nothing we can do for her.”

“There was something I could have done.” Dahyun whispered. Nayeon ignored her and walked her out of the bedroom back to where the other members were seated.

\--  
“Dahyun there’s something I wanna ask you.” Momo stood with Dahyun in the kitchen. They had just returned from a photoshoot, during which Momo had been yelled at a lot. She hadn’t been pulling the right poses or expressions and refused to accept feedback from the photographer.

Mina and Sana had tried to convince her to cooperate, but she brushed them off. Jihyo had talked to her too, but she dismissed her. “You’re younger than me.” She had said, which is something Momo had never taken advantage of previously. She was acting completely out of character. Jihyo and the others were surprised to see her acting that way, but they put it down to the lack of sleep. Dahyun knew it wasn’t so simple, but she still felt awkward around her and didn’t know how to approach and ask her about it. So, when Momo approached her after they got home, she was a little surprised.

“I’m always here to listen to you Momo-unnie.” Dahyun said. Which was true. She had always been there and will always be there for her. Momo smiled and took one of Dahyun’s hands. She tensed at the contact.

“What would you do if I disappeared?” She asked casually, her fingers playing with Dahyun’s hand.  
“I don’t know what you mean.”  
“If I committed suicide.”  
Dahyun shuddered. Momo looked sheepish.  
“Momo!” Dahyun felt like her heart was attempting to jump out of her chest. Momo just laughed lightly and scratched beneath Dahyun’s chin.  
“It’s theoretical. I wouldn’t do something like that, Dahyunie.”

Dahyun didn’t know how to respond. Momo was calling her pet names and scratching her chin, both of which made her feel calm and warm and fuzzy on the inside. But she was talking about suicide like it was a joke.  
“I…um, I would be really upset… I guess. I don’t know Momo-unnie. This is a serious question.”  
Momo smiled again.  
“I know you’d be upset,” She said softly, stroking her skin and sending shivers up her spine. “But would you care?”

Dahyun felt like crying.  
“Why are you saying something like that…” Momo pulled Dahyun into her embrace and stroked the back of her head. Dahyun leaned into it, enjoying the feeling of Momo against her. A feeling she had been deprived of for so many months.  
“Don’t think about it then.” She said. “It’s just a question. There’s nothing to worry about.”

But Dahyun worried anyway.  
\--

Why were all these memories coming back at this moment?

Nayeon sat Dahyun down next to Tzuyu on the couch. She saw that Jihyo hadn’t moved from where she had left her. She still sat next to Sana, her eyes watery and her head bowed. Mina sat alone in the corner of the room, Jeongyeon was still on the floor and Chaeyoung was snuggled into Tzuyu’s arm, sobbing. Nayeon stood in front of the younger girls, sporting a stressed look on her face. Dahyun guessed that she had no idea how to comfort everyone. She didn’t know how to help.

Dahyun still felt nothing, and her head still hurt. She couldn’t wipe the image of Momo’s face from her mind. She looked like she was sleeping… but she wasn’t.

She was dead.

\--  
They were in Momo’s bed together, under the sheets, limbs intertwined after months and months of awkwardness, silence and distance between them. Dahyun had always loved moments like these. Moments when she could simply feel Momo’s bare skin against hers. She felt that these were the most intimate moments between them. Neither girl spoke. They stayed silent, not only to reduce the danger of being caught by the girls in the other rooms, but because that’s how they liked it. They would listen to each other’s breaths and heartbeats.

Momo broke the silence that day.  
“Dubu… I’m not feeling good.” She whispered in Dahyun’s ear.  
“You feel sick? Do you want to go to the bathroom?” Dahyun moved back slightly so she could look into Momo’s eyes. She was crying again. Why was she always crying?  
“No.” She said. Dahyun moved her hand to Momo’s face to wipe away her tears. “I’m just… I don’t know. I just don’t feel good.”

Dahyun felt helpless. She stroked patterns on her bare back to try to comfort her.  
“You know you can tell me about anything Momoring.” She said. Momo’s eyes were closed in pleasure at Dahyun’s touch, but she nodded. She reopened her eyes, paused for a moment, and began.  
\--

“It’s my fault.” Dahyun said suddenly. Half the room groaned in frustration.  
“It’s no one’s fault.” Nayeon said, taking Dahyun’s hands in her own and staring deep into her eyes. “Even Momo told you not to blame yourself.”  
“No, you don’t get it.” Dahyun closed her eyes and she was filled with resolve. “I should have told you.”  
“Tell us what?” Nayeon asked softly.

“If you’re gonna tell us you were banging Momo, you don’t have to. You’re both loud.” Mina added. Dahyun was immediately embarrassed and upset that that was the first thing that someone thought of. Her and Momo’s… nights together had nothing to do with this.

“No.” Dahyun glared at her. “I mean, Momo… Momo told me something a few days ago. It’s my fault. I should have said something. I should have said something along time ago.”

Suddenly everyone was listening. Dahyun took the silence as a cue to continue.  
“We were… ah!” She blushed. “It doesn’t matter where we were. She told me… she told me that she was going to kill herself.”

There was outrage in the room in an instant. Mina stood up in shock. Tzuyu stood too, leaving Chaeyoung to cry even harder on her own. Jihyo glared at her harshly before bursting into tears. Sana was yelling incoherently and Chaeyoung’s crying was just getting louder and louder.

“EVERYONE CALM DOWN!” Jeongyeon bellowed, causing the commotion to screech to a halt. “I know we’re all angry and we want answers,” She looked pointedly at Dahyun. “But let Dahyun explain herself. There’s no use in screaming at her.”

Dahyun nodded to acknowledge Jeongyeon’s help and sat in silence for a few seconds, deciding how she would phrase what Momo had told her two days ago. She couldn’t tell them everything. That was between her and Momo, but she had to tell them something.

Dahyun cleared her throat and looked around at the angry members. She apologised to Momo in her head.

“Momo told me that she couldn’t take it anymore and that she would kill herself. She told me that she had been thinking about it for years. Since debut. Since before debut. She told me that she was sorry, and she didn’t want me to stop her, or to tell anyone else about what she had said.”

“That was very irresponsible of you.” Nayeon frowned disapprovingly, fresh tears cascading down her cheeks. “Y-you should have told m-management at least. We c-could have gotten her some help.”

Dahyun felt like crying then, but didn’t have the courage to let the tears fall.  
“I know.” She said. “But I wanted to be a person she could trust. That one person who wouldn’t stop her.” She couldn’t feel the liquid splashing down her cheeks. “I wanted her to be happy, and if she wasn’t happy alive, how was it my place to stop her?” Dahyun knew her logic was wrong, and she was talking nonsense, but she continued anyway. “I should have said something months ago. She was acting strange long before she said anything like that to me.” Dahyun felt light headed. “This is all my fault. My fault. MY FAULT. MY FAULT!”

\--  
“You have to promise you won’t stop me.” Momo smiled. How could she smile like that when talking about death? “Can I trust you? Can you keep a secret?”

Dahyun was crying as Momo kissed her. It was long and bitter sweet. They relished each other’s touch, the feel of one another’s skin, the taste of the other’s lips.

They both knew it was a kiss goodbye.

“Promise me, Dahyunie.” Momo put her hand under Dahyun’s chin for a scratch.

For the last time.

Dahyun loved Momo. She loved her with her heart and soul. This wasn’t what she wanted. This was going against everything she wanted. Not only that, but this was against human nature. This would make the members hate her. This was making her a murderer.

This was wrong. This was so wrong. She should ask privately for help. She should have said something long ago. But she didn’t.

She nodded anyway, because in that moment, all she cared about was Momo’s happiness.

“I promise.”

The next day when Momo had said to them all that she was feeling sick, Dahyun couldn’t look at her as she walked past her, out the door, knowing that when she arrived home… it would be done.

“I…” Momo started before they had all filed out. The members turned to face her, all listening for what she had to say. She looked at the floor first, embarrassed at the attention she was receiving, then she looked at Dahyun who was on the verge of tears.

She mumbled something… a few sentences in Japanese, spoken too quickly for the Korean members to decipher. Dahyun looked at her confusedly and so did the Japanese members.

“What are you talking about, Momo!” Sana said in Korean, looking slightly awkward. “We’re just going out for a meeting. We’ll be back soon!” Mina also looked sceptical and glanced back and forth between Dahyun and Momo, keeping her usual silent demeanour.

Momo concluded her sentence in Japanese again, this time, slowly enough so that Dahyun and the others would be able to understand.

With a big, bright, beautiful smile, Momo’s last words to her members were: “Goodbye, Dahyun. Thank you."

And just like that, the members left.

And it was done.


End file.
